A Little Down

To be honest, things have been sort of rough lately. Not being home for Christmas is a small part of a complex, which has left me very short tempered and depressed. The biggest part causing this is the swift kick-in-the-balls that comes with suddenly becoming single though a process that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. A breakup that leaves you with a knife in you back and no one to blame but yourself because you alone carried and maintain the relationship. The actions of the other, that caused the breakup, were out of desperation so that they could keep their own sanity; which now leaves you no one to be mad at but yourself because you truly believe that if you were there things would be okay (even though things would have probably ended up the same). What upsets me most is that I couldn’t provide someone that I care about what she needed to be happy. I have failed at being that hero I always strived to be, and that is what I am bummed and angry about most.

Anyhow……..I didn’t start this blog to let out my sappy feelings with the self centeredness to believe that anyone would want to hear about it. I wrote it so people could get an idea of what it is like to work as a twenty something contractor in Iraq. So, what is it like to go though a break up 12,000 miles away in a war zone? It sucks! (big surprise huh?) Being here has made dealing with this harder then it would have been if I were back home.

If I were home, I would have my friends, a stiff drink, and plenty to get my mind off the situation. I could go to the bars, get toasted, be around a whole bunch of people and chicks my age (I think the chicks would help the most). I would be awesome, and help me roll with the punches a little better. Here, however, I have nothing but 12 hours a day to dwell on it. I have no real outlets or entertainment, and definitely no way to “get away from it all.” A simple hard drink would cost me a job, and a whole crap load of money.

I have tried the gym, movies, and video games, but I have discovered that nothing can make up for, or replace, a good time with friends. I have pictures on my wall from the campfires we used to have as a department from school. I would give my left hand for an hour with those guys and girls. I never took friends for granted, but now I really understand how important they are.

And I know, I know, this is something dumb to be upset with. Hell, I’m only 22. There are older people here going though messy divorce with kids involved. I really can’t compare to most of the problems people here have. But I guess at some point in the future I will look back and realize this was all not a big deal.

I almost didn’t come here so I could stay home and take care of her; try and make things work for the long haul. But now I am glad I didn’t. If I had stayed home, I would have thrown away this amazing opportunity all for nothing. I guess I will realize this in good time but right now it still hurts (a lot). If any of you find some free time I could use a few “hang in there,” “you can do it,” “Merry Freaking Christmas,” and “Plenty of fish in the sea” emails. Not that I absolutely need it, but it wouldn’t hurt!

AndrewPBentley@gmail.com

Testing Mystery Chemical

pH of 3

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